EXCHANGE INTERFACE

So many people to shoot, only one life to not spend behind bars.

I think that needs to be my new motto.

It's that or shoot myself right now. (Yes, I'm being melodramatic. I'm not about to kill myself. I promise. I'm just really really tired.)

--

This morning, I missed the first train by five seconds after sprinting for it. There was a cluster of people at the ticket gates and I reached the train just as the doors closed. The guard wouldn't open them again.

And then I missed the connecting train by one second. A cluster of teenaged girls were hovering in the doorway and I wasn't going to plunge through them. Again, the guard wouldn't open the door.

I did make the third train. Barely. The doors closed a second after I got on.

Ugh.

That's all I have to say: "Ugh."

--

Hockey is stressful. I am not A-grade. I will never be A-grade unless I train every day, practise every day. I don't want to be A-grade.

But I am in an A-grade team. And it's starting to wear me down.

I'm nearly forty. I don't look it, but I am. I can't run as fast as I could five years ago, I don't heal as well as I did. I may not have the evidences of age in appearance or children or personality, but I am nearly forty and I play hockey for fun, not competition.

I've always been borderline Team 1 and Team 2 - not a star player, not a skills player, just a team player. And that was, for the most part, enough in previous years. I'm a B-grade player on a team that should be in B-grade but was moved to A-grade because there weren't enough teams in A-grade. And so, we are playing well but not winning.

Mostly, I feel like a millstone on the team. And I feel like the rest of the team views me as a millstone - with, perhaps, the exception of the team captain (who I think has noticed my depression) and the woman who plays next to me (forty-something mother of four, just keeps running - she's the energizer bunny, honestly).

We're a "social club" - and this applies strongly to the lower-grade teams (C-grade and D-grade), but it's hard to remember that when people are screaming conflicting instructions at me and then berating me for not following all the instructions. I can't hang high and come back to defend, peoples. I don't have the ability to run back and forth that fast anymore. I never really did, but I was never in A-grade before so it didn't matter that much.

I'll play this year out, but next year I might have to say "Look, I can't play A-grade for emotional health reasons: I feel like shit after every game and that's not why I play hockey."

--

House-hunting is emotionally stressful. B1 and I are negotiating borrowing B2's share (which she's just going to stick in a bank) to purchase with. With a mortgage and B2's share, we could afford closer to the city. With a mortgage, we can afford in some areas we're currently looking at.

Problem is, we need to pin B2 down. And we need the developers to take up the damned option. (Frustrating: they'll be paying us 2012 house prices in a 2014 market - the market has gone up by at least 25% since they settled the price.)

Looked at six houses on the weekend, all of them were good options. Doable. The problem would be making an offer that they'd accept in a busy market.

--

Dear judge-y woman who muttered to her friend that I had a carton of PURE CREAM as I walked out of the office kitchen, "Pure! Cream!"

1. If you're going to talk about someone, make sure they can't hear you. Especially look to see where they're going, and whether they're at a desk five metres away, still hearing you.
2. If you're going to criticise someone's dietary choices, know the facts - both about their diet and their lifestyle, and about food itself. Do you know what I eat all day? Are you aware that high-sugar and high-salt is a bigger problem than high-fat - although fat certainly shouldn't be entirely discounted.
3. If you're jealous because I can have "fatty" foods and you don't, well, I can't help you there. I have a good metabolism through luck of genetics, lifestyle, and taste in food (I'd rather fresh prepared than processed and have the knowhow, time, and resources to afford and do) assist that, and I haven't had major health issues to struggle with.
4. If you want to know what I'm doing with the cream, ask! I would tell you that I like a splash of cream in my latte. And my tea. And my hot chocolate. Just a splash, mind you. It really does change the flavour and I like it.
5. MAKE BETTER LIFE CHOICES. (Namely, not judging other women on their choices, and if you're curious, ask.)

I should have walked back into the kitchen (after I'd splashed my cream) and just told her what I did with the cream, just to watch her realise that I overheard her and that she's not as subtle as she thought she was.

--

On to more upbeat things:

rarepairfest is taking nominations until the 15th June. And, for perhaps the first time EVER, I haven't had to nominate MCU: Steve/Maria! Hang on a minute, let me check if it's raining donuts outside, I think I might be in some weird parallel universe!

- June 1 through June 15th - Nomination Period
- June 17 through June 28 - Signups open
- July 1 - Assignments will be sent out by this date
- August 16 - Fics are due
- August 19 - Works are revealed
- August 28th - Authors are revealed

--

I have gotten my hair streaked. Just one streak. I have dyed the streak hot pink. It's not a very strong streak, because Chinese hair doesn't bleach very pale with just one application, and the pink pretty much washed out the next time I shampooed my hair, but I redid it last night and it's quite a deep pink right now.



I'll take a proper pic sometime in the next couple of days. Hopefully before it washes out...