EXCHANGE INTERFACE

TITLE: Doing It Doggy Style
AUTHOR: Tielan
SUMMARY: Helen's looking forward to seeing what plan her newest employee has come up with for getting an abnormal out from under the noses of local security.
RATING: PG-13
CHARACTERS: Kate, Helen, Will, Henry
CATEGORY: humour
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, making no money, etc.
NOTES: sanctuary_bingo, square 'lizard creature'. In spite of the salacious title, this is firmly PG all the way through

Doing It Doggy Style

She knew things had changed the instant Magnus' cellphone buzzed on the veneer of the hotel desk.

"Henry?" Kate didn't have to hear Henry's side of the conversation with Magnus. Henry's tone of voice and the call itself said it all, even before Helen frowned. "Private charters, too? All right, then, we'll just have to think of another way to do this. I'll call you back."

"Our friendly local politician again?" Kate asked as Magnus hung up, her expression faintly harried.

"Apparently. Security at the airport is up due to a 'tip off' regarding terrorist activities."

"Even for private jets?"

"Especially for private jets." Magnus looked down at the small creature whose bright eyes peered out through the bars of the cage. Although it was related to the lizard family, the feathered little Quetzalcoatl had a shorter body and snout than most lizards. It also presently looked more scaly than feathered thanks to the heat. "Unfortunately, with John out of communication, we'll have to think up another way to get this abnormal out of the state."

Kate decided that now wasn't the time to quip that the massive downside of gaining John Druitt's teleportational abilities was also gaining the serial killer into the bargain. "Is there any reason we need to get him back to the Sanctuary tonight?"

"Other than that the longer we wait, the more time Mayor Ashton has to think up a new way to get his hands on the Quetzalcoatl." Magnus looked at Kate, her eyes sharp and interested. "You have a plan?"

"I have an idea. It's not quite at the plan stage."

"Are you able to tell me the details?"

"I haven't got the details worked out," Kate admitted, studying the little fellow - presently curled up in the cage and licking his balls. "But it could work."

"What do you need?"

Kate considered the question. On one hand, it was gratifying to know that Magnus trusted her. On the other, she wasn't sure what it said that Magnus was willing to put the entirety of this little guy's safety into her hands.

"Four days, minimum. Somewhere to stay where they won't ask questions, but preferably not a dive. And you guys should leave the city as planned."

Magnus nodded. "It has to look like we've gone home."

"Yeah. I'll find you someone to replace me on the flight home."

"A decoy. Good idea."

"I'll also need money."

"No surprise there." But Magnus was smiling, her amusement apparently genuine. "This is your idea of not-a-plan?"

"Hey, best laid plans and all that. It's better to keep things fluid." And after years of experience, Kate was used to winging it. Hell, she did good when winging it.

"Very well." Magnus picked up the phone and speed-dialled Henry. "Start getting our things together, Henry. We're leaving at the time arranged."

On the other end of the phone, Henry expressed disbelief before launching into what Kate figured was probably one of his 'no abnormal left behind' speeches.

"No, we're not leaving him to Ashton. Kate's taking care of it."

Kate stuck her finger between the cage bars and let the little guy sniff her scent. "Hey, little buddy. Looks like we're gonna get to know each other really well in the next few days."

His raspy tongue licked her finger, as his eyes said that was all fine by him.

--

Will seemed surprised when they returned without either Kate or the abnormal. "You left it with Kate?"

"Do you doubt my judgement?" Helen smiled to take any sting out of her words.

"No. I'm just scared of what she might come up with."

"She's a smuggler. And a good one. I have no doubt it'll make an entertaining story."

"That's pretty much what I'm afraid of."

In spite of herself, Helen smiled. But all she said was, "I'm sure of Kate."

They settled down to a quiet week of paperwork and research.

On Tuesday, Henry found her in the library and reported that the news out of Orlando was very un-newsworthy. "Nothing on the radar at all. No police reports, barely anything on the politician. Word on the street is that he's still looking for the abnormal. We haven't heard from Kate?"

"I hardly expected otherwise," Helen said, hunting up the extant copy of Lady Cottington's Book of Pressed Fairies. "Considering the flight logs indicate she returned with us to the North-west, she wouldn't want to be caught mailing us."

"Right. Right." Henry started on his way out, but his shoes gave a noisy squeak as he turned back. "You're sure she's okay?"

Helen set the book down on one of the desks. "Kate's been looking after herself for a long time, Henry. I'm sure she's fine."

On Thursday afternoon, Helen got an email from a complete stranger, brief but chatty about the joys of his vacation in the Bahamas and the post script noting that they couldn't wait to get home, and listing a flight number and time of arrival for pickup.

The flight number and time of arrival were those of a flight from Orlando to Old City. Helen took it as advisement.

"She's catching a commercial flight?" Will asked when Helen told him about the mail. "How's she going to get the creature through security?"

"I have no idea."

"An entertaining story?"

Helen laughed. However, she found she was looking forward to it. Her newest employee was nothing if not inventive. And intriguing. As well as the mail, Helen had also received a text message from a number she'd never seen before - most likely from a burn phone.

"So how's she getting home if she's catching commercial?"

"She asked for you to pick her up."

The brows went up. "She asked?"

Helen just smiled and showed him the text: Send Will with the SUV and dress him expensive preppy.

--

Helen heard the SUV return, the gates drawing back to let them in. Will had been a little peeved off to be dressed up ‘expensive preppy' and sent off to meet Kate. "Why me?" He'd demanded, obviously discomforted by his role as accessory to whatever scenario Kate had worked out for her return. Although why she'd need Will, Helen couldn't imagine.

Of course, it might just be Kate finding a new way to needle Will. Henry was easy bait to the former thief; but getting a rise out of Will was a challenge that Kate seemed to enjoy.

For the moment at least, it had seemed harmless enough to indulge Kate's request.

The slam of car doors sounded rather loud, though, and when Helen peered out the window, there was no mistaking the sharp movements of a mildly annoyed Kate Freelander.

Oh dear.

Down in the entrance hall, a vocal argument was in process amidst a small luggage and an oversized handbag.

"I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't presume--"

"Hey, you're the one who got me all dressed up!" Will seemed a lot more at ease with his role as accessory since he'd left just over ninety minutes ago, his hands stuck in his trouser pockets as he faced off against Kate. "I was just playing the part."

"A little too well," Kate snapped before she turned to Helen. "Hey, Magnus."

"Kate. Interesting outfit."

The grin was pure mischief. "You like?" She turned all the way around, allowing Helen to see and appreciate the full extent of the outfit - or the lack of the same.

Generally, Helen found Kate's sense of style quite appropriate for the jobs her newest employee tended to do. While Henry and Will tended to dress down, Kate tended to dress up - a kind of street smart casual.

This, however, was a new look. From the strappy black stiletto heels, up long brown legs to the tiny denim shorts, and the silver-sequinned singlet top that looked like Kate had been poured into it, this outfit screamed money and ego and privilege. Big earrings, lots of bling, a small purse, and half a salon's worth of makeup completed the outfit of a woman with more money than sense.

Helen grinned. A story worth telling, indeed. "It suits you."

"It's going on my expenses bill." Behind Kate, Will rolled his eyes. "Anyway, what you wanted: one Inferior Quetzalcoatl, signed and delivered." She crouched down beside the ‘handbag' - a soft-sided pet carrier, Helen realised - and hauled out...a Pomeranian.

There was a moment of silence as Helen blinked.

Beyond Kate, Will bit back a smile, obviously in on the trick.

With the flourish of a master-magician, Kate stuck her fingers in the dog's eyes - and away came a couple of black contacts, showing the slit-pupilled eyes of the Quetzalcoatl. The ‘fur' on the little paws wafted in the breeze as it suddenly scrabbled in her grip, woken up by the light, and Kate quickly tucked her hand underneath it to support its legs, cooing at it with distinctly un-Kate-like tenderness.

Helen noted the Quetzalcoatl settled almost immediately and came across to run her hand over the ‘fur' - far more wiry than a Pomeranian's fur should be. Realisation dawned. "You gave him a stimulant to grow his plumage back."

"Then treated the growth with a formula to burn off the barbs, add contacts, and teach him how to act dog-like."

And after several days of stimulants, the abnormal's fine feather-shafts would look like 'fur' to the casual observer.

Kate grinned at the Quetzalcoatl, the picture of a doting pet owner. "All in a week's work, isn't it, Mr. Snuggles?"

"You called him 'Mr. Snuggles'?" Will radiated disbelief.

"Hey, he needed a suitably bimboic name!"

"You couldn't just have used the one on your fake ID?"

"Meow," retorted Kate, but when she looked back at Helen, she was grinning.

"I'm impressed." And Helen was. That was inventive thinking - and just the kind of scheme that she'd expected when she left the abnormal for Kate to bring back. "Should I ask if you've ever done this before?"

"Nope. But I think it gives new meaning to the phrase, 'Doing it doggy-style!'" Dark eyes sparkled - then winced as the Quetzalcoatl ‘licked' her from chin to ear, its tongue flickering out across her skin. "Ouch. Easy, little buddy. Glad he didn't do that while security was checking him out."

"You would have had some interesting explanations on your hands."

"Oh yeah. Should I get him down to the pens now?"

"Probably a good idea. And Kate?" The younger woman paused, looking surprised at the interruption. "Well done."

"Do I get a bonus for a completed job?"

"Perhaps."

Kate sighed, mock-exasperated, but started off towards the elevators, her heels clacking across the floor as she went. She had, Helen noted, very nice legs.

"Hey, Kate, what about your luggage?"

"Take it up to my room, thanks, Will!"

Helen coughed at the cavalier instructions, hiding a smile as Will glared at Kate's retreating back.

"I'm tempted to leave it in the middle of the floor just for that."

"Not for the outfit?"

"That, too."

"You know she'll only find another way to annoy you."

Will made a face as he regarded the luggage, which looked rather heavier than it had when they'd been down in Orlando. "That's what I figured."

Helen studied Will's glum expression. "What was the trouble at the airport?"

Blue eyes blinked at her. "No trouble. Why?"

"Oh, just your argument when you came in the door." Helen turned to watch Kate turn the corner, then glanced back at Will who was looking a little flushed in the afternoon light coming in the lobby windows. "Overplaying the part?"

"Yeah, that. It was nothing. Revenge for getting me into this."

"Oh, I don't know," Helen said, surveying the outfit with a critical eye. It wasn't Will's usual style, but it suited his physical type well enough, even if it wasn't characteristic for him. "I think it looks rather charming on you."

He made a face at her. "Thanks. I'm getting out of this."

"Don't forget Kate's suitcase."

"Not likely."

Helen watched him go, then returned to her office, still smiling.

She imagined Will would find out about the lipstick smudge when he got to his room and looked in the mirror.

fin